What I'm looking at

One of my summer tasks was to do a closet cull. It hasn't happened yet. Could still happen, I suppose! 

Another one was to put together a chapbook of poetry. I have been working on that a bit. I started wondering today... if that should be two chapbooks. 

Instead of trying to force the nature pieces and the family/politics pieces into the same space, perhaps they should each have a separate volume? It might be easier to articulate a theme that way. 

A lot of the time, the nature compositions are untethered--they matter to me at the moment of writing, but may not be interesting to anyone else because they don't tell a story. I'd be sad to lose all of them though.

Pic: purple flowers by the river, reflection of trees and sky. When I looked at my post-walk photos, I didn't know what I was looking at at first. 

this familiar walk

after the sharpness of one thing, another
the hope or hurt you choose 
to keep you company 

in places many-sided by trees, air, & earth 
the living, rooted prairie becomes
everything you love

so that trees take the shape of your parents
and grass spreads like the sweep
of family sharing news

you wear it on your breast, this belonging

softer since being torn... a different 
feeling to the same song
___________________

Pic: Geese on the Red Cedar. With Big A today. What with my family visiting and then his bike accident and illness, we hadn't been on our "Super Sparty" walk in ages. 

recs, hacks, and saves

A couple of recs: 

This NYT quiz on dreams--I'm what they classified as "a big dreamer" but there's plenty I learned about how we dream in the process of taking the quiz. 

This list of most recommended books in The Atlantic. I'm horrified I've read so few. 

A couple of hacks:

If you hit a paywall and don't want to pay or don't feel like supporting Islamophobic/Transphobic outlets like The New York Times or The Atlantic, you could use archive.is. Paste the URL of the piece you want to read into the second box (the one that says: "I want to search the archive for saved snapshots"). Usually, that should do the trick. 

I figured out this next hack myself! When I came back from last week's health nightmare, I found I wasn't able to leave comments on some (WordPress?) blogs like Nicole's, J's, and Jenny's. "Mod_Security" kept telling me that my server was "Not Acceptable!" (Threatening exclamation point and all.) But if I toggle my computer WiFi to my phone's hotspot, I can!

Pic: I saved this meme to my desktop years ago... Good save. And I guess those little things did save me and keep me mostly sane.

trying to be strong

Gaza Poets Society has shared many beautiful poems over the years. Yesterday their message was a stark and anguished plea:

"Save our children"

What else is left to say? How can we go on in a world where children are willfully being sniped at and starved to death. I hope we can let the food waiting outside the Israeli blockade get through before it is too late. Everything else can wait.

*

Big A is so much better (fingers firmly crossed) and a good thing too, because he's back at work tonight. I think he could do with at least a couple more days off work, but he's on the schedule. "I exist to make a profit for the hospital's shareholders," is how he explained it to me.

Pic: I took Nance's advice and took A to spend some time with trees... Things have been so nerve-racking, we've barely been outside together. 

sometimes, and in some places, I can see the long journey old men are making

we're not even thinking of marriage... just

looking for the best biriyani in Queens-- 
we're still in New York but it feels like 

we're in India and A is a bit too white

for this place and so I take his hand 

right then, the old man sitting 

outside the mosque
looks up and then 

strides up to us
to tell us 

love is always precious to Allah
as he lifts his hands in blessing

*

we're making on our way back 

from our Mexican honeymoon

driving through Texas 

and stopping 

at a one-traffic-light town 

thinking it would be an adventure 

to sit at the diner where there are very

few women and every man wears a hat

bow-legged, an old man walks down the aisle 

as if he's in a Western... I don't think he's looked 

at me even once, but gazing earnestly into A's eyes 

he says, I think your woman has a very nice skin color

separate but not equal

Nice: Big A felt well enough to take Nu to pick up their computer for college. Big day in every way!

At had an annual physical scheduled in Alma (Nice). Her final one under my insurance before she ages out (Not nice.) And we had long conversations on the way there and back (Nice). At returned a novel I'd lent her (Nice) in... I don't know... 2018 (Not nice) Saying with a smirk as she handed it to me that she "didn't want to read it"--just to see my face fall (Not nice). She had read it and loved it and cried at the predictable part (Nice). (When the train pulls out the station with Estha saying "Ammu, feeling vomitty...")

At the end of the day, the whole fam went to a restaurant we usually like a lot (nice). At the end of our okay meal, our white server looked at our table and decided to ask if we wanted two checks (Not nice). It's just one of those "mistakes" that happens to interracial families a lot. I found I couldn't finish my dessert after that... 

Pic: Queen Anne's Lace along the Red Cedar. On a walk to clear my head.

not normal

Now that my mom is a bit more stable, I'm beginning to worry about Big A. It's not normal to have a fever for so many days. As Jenny correctly said, my attitude has been that my mom's "probably a bit more fragile than Big A." But as Jeanie said, "not knowing" is scary. 

It's good I suppose that his labs aren't growing any scary bacteria (apparently, they'll keep looking at it every day or two to check). His best guess for now is that it's an unrelated virus that'll work its way out in time.

At some point in the evening yesterday, I looked up from my book to see tears running down his face and thought he was feeling really down. He was. He'd just read about the cardiologist and his family who were killed by an Israeli airstrike. This isn't normal either. There's so much happening on our watch and we're expected to carry on as though it shouldn't matter.

Pic: Max snuggled up to Big A and fast asleep. I need some good sleep sprawled out in abandon like this!