"if your voice held no power they would not be trying to censor it"

I hurried through my morning chores so L and I could head to the hands-off protest around 11.

I haven't been singing with the women's choir I got into two years ago regularly, but today, I stood on the steps of the capitol with Sistrum and sang call-and-response songs to start up the crowd. There were some fiery speakers. I particularly liked that Rep. Dylan Wegela shouted out the DSA and suggested that anyone not representing the people (no matter what their political affiliation) should be voted out. 

And what a great turnout for the "hands off" protests all across the U.S. today. On social media, I'm seeing videos of rallies that are miles long and and thousands of people strong.

I'm also hearing that while the protests were shown on the tv in other countries, mainstream media in the US hasn't been covering it. (I don't have cable and don't know for sure.)

I'd heard of the #SitYourBlackAssDown signal from Black leaders ahead of today as a way of protecting Black people from police violence as well as a "your turn" gesture to the rest of the population. And post-protest, Black leaders have correctly pointed out 1) the absence of black people at the protests has meant absence of police in helmets and anarchists inciting violence 2) how in the long laundry list of all matters that need protection from this administration, Black Lives are seldom mentioned although Trump's interactions are always adversarial and his initiatives antagonistic towards Black people. I cannot unsee that now--posters at the protest supported everyone from immigrants and trans people to veterans and teachers, but I did not see any posters about racial injustice. 

Anyway, it felt good to be at the rally today, and made me feel like I was actively engaging with the democratic process. And it was great to be there with comrades like L and RS, AH, SD, and so many others. Standing on the steps of the capitol and seeing the thousands of people amassed there, I, along with many of the singers around me, teared up. It was powerful and humbling.

Pic: A portion of the crowd at the protest today. My eyes kept going to the "if your voice held no power they would not be trying to censor it" sign.

grateful

Grateful no one was hurt when Nu's school was hit by lightning. Some computers sparked, the fire alarms went off, and everyone had to go stand outside in the pouring rain. (And Nu got a good story out of it.)

Grateful for all the hard work my students do. Yesterday, five of them presented their research papers and posters at Honors Day. (And my academic advisee won the graduating senior trophy!)

Grateful for academic freedom (so far). I'm on a few lowkey watchlists, but haven't been censored or censured (yet). The talk I gave was critical of the administration and... I shared the panel with colleagues who were similarly critical. (However, colleagues have told me I should scrub my social media when I travel abroad.)

Grateful for my Boss Day today--we got takeout Thai food for dinner. And lunch tomorrow. (I guess this effectively ends my month of claiming birthday privilege.)

Pic: Grateful for the splash of reds and pink from the very twiggy geraniums I got for free from a local nursery five years ago. (It was the end of the outdoor season and they were going to compost them). 

things I should remember

 ...L's birthday! I ordered her gift ahead of time and everything, and still forgot on the day. She's usually in Oregon at this time of the year, but that's no excuse... I feel so bad and I'm groveling hard. 

...That not everyone knows who Scout is. So when I was telling people I just met (a student's mom, a friend of a friend) about how I can't go to UU anymore because sitting in silence makes me think of Scout and then I start crying, they thought Scout was... my husband!  (Also, the topic came up organically and I was lowkey laughing at myself, I swear--I'm not buttonholing random folk to trauma dump on them.)

...The universities that are doing what they need to do. Tufts is declaring support for their detained student, Georgetown University is doubling down on their DEI citing their Jesuit mission. 

...Yes, it's terrifying that three Yale professors who study authoritarianism, including Timothy Snyder whose On Tyranny has been so instructive, have decamped for Canada because of the current political climate in the U.S.

...It's important to remember there are more academics right here and that it's time to get serious about action and solidarity. As Siva Vaidyanathan reminds us in this article in The New Republic. "Columbia University did not fail academia or the country; only its temporary leaders did. The strength of the university remains committed to resisting and doing good work for society. More than 100 faculty members and students have been protesting the university’s decision to fold, each risking admonishment or worse from the administration. Many have been writing publicly against their bosses. That is courage. That is solidarity. It’s a 90-minute train ride from New Haven to Manhattan. One would have hoped Yale professors upset with Columbia would join their colleagues on the streets of Morningside Heights rather than drive up the Queen Elizabeth Way to Toronto." 

Well said. 

Pic: Blue Heron on the banks by the rapids of The Red Cedar. 

calls and rings and tight squeezes

It's At's Boss Day. And as a lovely surprise present to me, she called to say she was coming over for a visit! (At has recently started working with UNTF on the MSU campus and happened to be nearby today.) I can't stay for dinner, she warned, but I warmed up some chocolate chip muffins and I was making a lox sandwich for Nu, so At had one too and then both Nu and At had another, and some cheese straws while I was making the second sandwich, so that, basically, became their dinner. 

At and I had gone thrifting a couple of weeks back and after we found and paid for some amazing things (a blue suede jumpsuit, a floral velvet dress) At bought some rings that were kind of ugly. So I thought I'd let At choose from some of my decidedly nicer rings as a treat today.

Nu came upstairs with us too. Not because Nu wanted any rings, but just to assure themselves that if they wanted any rings, I would give them some too. It makes me chuckle to think how in some ways, they're still the jealous little Baby Nu who would grab my face to turn it towards themselves and tell me sternly that I was "not allowed to look at other kids." 

Pic: This is a jumble, but it was an unexpected joy today to have my kids--Max and Huck are in there too--all crowded into my closet, being raucous, silly, and jokey. At was the only one with a phone in there and took this photo. It was a tight squeeze in there for so many, and there were many tight squeezy hugs before At headed back.

if you are my friend

let's keep going, let's get to the grandeur
let's come back, let's touch absences 
to one another

our next hours wait patiently as the present

life can be a cold war sometimes

its firings accidental 

our lives recognizable as burning pages
opening in flame before curling
sullenly into ash

let us finally acknowledge our condition 

know we are holding our breath-- 

to avoid inhaling smoke

____________

Pic: The Red Cedar in Spring (yay) thaw. Sprigs of forsythia (yay, Spring) in the corner of the frame.

nice/surprise

 It's April 1st tomorrow and who knows what the day will bring--here are a few things that took me by surprise on this last day of March.

I woke up from a dream in which I marveled how in a crowd of strangers we unhesitatingly call ourselves "we." It's true, isn't it? There's something beautiful and magic about that.

I was on a walk and 30 mins from home when a neighbor called to say she'd found Max wandering around her yard and had put him in her screen porch. Obviously, I panicked and called Nu to go over and get Max. Nu went downstairs and then called to tell me Max and Huck were downstairs cuddling on the sofa. Ha. The other puppy was reunited with their family soon after.

For the first time ever, a book I put on hold at the library (Claire Lombardo's The Most Fun We've Ever Had) came in before I caved and got it myself.

Yesterday, while sheltering from the tornado, I realized that Nu and Big A had ordered an arcade Ms. Pac-Man game for the basement. I thought we were in our frugal era! I'm mad. Also that thing is going to be 5-ft tall when it's put together.

Pic: I commented to Suzanne that I planned to make sushi cups from an insta reel I'd seen. I did! I did not expect them to be as as easy as they looked or come out so well (esp. as I ad lib a fair amount). They look a bit color deficient to me as I want all five colors at every meal, but a blueberry-mango-raspberry compote completed the gap at dinner. 

Trans Day of Visibility Rally

An up and down kind of day--I guess that's the way it is when your opportunities for community and solidarity are hemmed in by the big events and policies beyond your control that makes them necessary.

Off to the Trans Day of Visibility Rally at the Capitol today with L and Nu. There were such great signs at the rally today and people were happy to be photographed with with them when I asked (I'm documenting for L's newsletter). But one parent said that their kid was nervous about being photographed, and while I completely understand, it made me quite sad.

Today's rally was designed to be celebratory and joyful, which is why I invited Nu... but I think it still felt a bit overwhelming and they needed some time over the evening to go off by themselves to decompress. They were telling me later how they had such great hopes for the country in 2020, but feel defeated now. It's a bit depressing outright miserable to hear a 17-year-old think and talk like that. At got there just as we three were leaving the capitol and met up with us later at the house for dinner. 

I'd originally planned to have a great, big gathering at our house, like we used to after the Women's Marches.  But I scaled things back as I didn't know if my scratched eye would be healed (It's 90% healed, BTW!). We ended up with a tableful of guests and just after we said goodbye to the second carful, the emergency sirens began going off for tornadoes+thunderstorms. I went out again to call our guests back to shelter in the basement (as we were about to) but only got taillights. I was glad to get the texts about where people were sheltering a few minutes later. 

Pic: I've never seen "Cistem" before, and I love it.