I can't get no (dis)satisfaction

Feeling a bit angsty today: 

So my very loving aunt and uncle who were worried about me live in India and are low-key amused by our President and prone to saying he's right about some things. I'm so sad-mad about this disconnect--the guy they like is the reason racism is on the rise and they have to be afraid for me! 

I'm glad I was able to get weekly events going for Women's History Month... I've always been happy to help with this, but it's not my job. There are people in charge of this kind of programming. Why aren't they doing it?

The next time I go on a walk by myself, I'm putting my phone on mute. Just saying. I'm sure my family can figure out whether someone is at the door by themselves and I don't need to know that the heat is out again or that the puppies made a mess until I get home. 

Bestie KB's dad died last night. He had been in decline and then was in hospice care, but somehow I thought they still had some more time. This is like what happened with Lisa's uncle (and KB is in MPLS too). I am so sad for KB plus this makes me fretful because my professor's dad died last week too, and it's making me anxious about my own aging dad. (Nu's passport is messed up because of the Trump administration and now I don't know if we're going to be able to visit my dad in India this summer... ugh)

Pic: Well... at least the skies are blue and the trees are greening again...

Things I did not expect but accept gratefully/gracefully

That when I started the birthday fundraiser for The Refugee Development Center, the first two donors would be past students. They are generous grownups doing awesome things in the world now, but it still made me feel like they'd raided their piggy banks. (Overall, we made just over $1000 for the 117 new refugee families in Lansing whose funding for resettlement has been cut by the federal government. Not nearly enough for even one family, but there's another fundraiser today, and I know we're going to do all it takes.)

That I'd find, pick up, and LOVE a romance called Red, White and Royal Blue. It's a pre-pandemic publication in an alternative universe and a very different D.C.; the repartee is wicked and the politics are comfortingly woke. (Yes, I'm reclaiming "woke".)

That Nu would have so much fun hearing my old Oxford escapades and early teaching milestones. "Tell me more" is not something Nu says to me very often! I think their favorite story was about D who came out to me and asked if they could come out in class because it felt like a safe place and they wanted to hear themselves speak their truth out loud. (This happened nearly a decade ago, but D was on my mind because they reached out to wish me for my birthday last week.)

That I would go around telling everyone that I was so glad I didn't have a fall this winter and then promptly fall--but at least I don't seem to have hurt myself seriously. 

That my favorite uncle and aunt would call me to caution me about a talk I'm giving on campus this week about the Rhetorics of Resistance to the Trump administration (they learned about it from my Facebook post). It came from a place of love and I was very patient, but I giggled when they said something about me not being white. (I know!!)

That I would not miss Amazon Prime, Whole Foods, or Target in the least. J canceled her Prime, and that inspired me to cancel too. (We'd canceled it once before but caved during the pandemic.) I've been off Target for nearly two months at this point? With some adjustment, Costco and the supermarket have been able to supply all our needs. 

Pic: L and I walked over to the Indian buffet place for a belated birthday lunch (brunch actually, given today's DST change). Going to the Indian buffet for a birthday celebration has kind of become our thing. We're usually walking or hiking and bundled up against the cold, so we needed to document ourselves in our fancy shawls on this lovely day.

Happy International Women's Day!

It's so different all over the world! In some places, it's a well-deserved day of rest. Here, it is rightly a day of protest and action--especially this year. There was a rousing rally at the capitol this morning.

Then I culled some professional clothing from my closet to donate via L for the Women's Resource Center event. (How many navy blue polka-dot things and black slacks does one person need?!) I would have loved to go, but couldn't because I had to prep for the International Women's Day tea event at MacCurdy House (the feminist house on campus I advise). 

I headed over with finger food, fruit and cookies, and a vase of flowers (from my birthday haul, still going strong). The housies had put decorations and teacups and were amazing hosts. We had lots of folks show up, so it's good that I over prepped as usual and many mugs of red velvet chai and peppermint tea were quaffed. 

Pic: Raising a cheer for women at MacCurdy. This picture makes me smile back--I love these smart, compassionate, engaged people who showed up for a semi-work event on a Saturday evening. 

And here are some previous iterations: 2024, 2023, 2022, 2020, 2019. (Also, I just went down a rabbit-hole searching "MacCurdy" and finding all the dear faces of people who have graduated and are doing amazing things in the world.)

"Fight Cancer not Canada!"

There is so much happening every day. A rally for science today, a postcard writing campaign and a women's rally and another women's rally tomorrow... L and I plan to divide and conquer there.

Nu wanted to stay home from school. When I sent the school absence report form to the family chat, Big A asked if Nu was just going to take all Fridays off from now on. That's not a bad idea for Nu. Or for me?

Pic: Posters from the Stand Up for Science protest at the Capitol building today. The one that says "Fight Cancer not Canada" is my favorite. Pic by L. 

in this version of myself

words break open into smiles
as they escape my mouth 
even as the sun breaks 
through clouds

every day it seems I put aside 

the language of survival

and will myself to find

life's uncut joy 

though my hands seem empty

I know in this version they 

cast to light and return

ready for the fight 

__________________

Pic: The sky as I headed home this evening: it's light out, the skies are blue, there are puffy white clouds. I didn't need a rainbow for my heart to leap up. 

waiting to be discovered

I come back, back to myself
my ears lost in my hair
skin in hide and seek

while waiting for the rain
while making some tea
I am owed

after I leave I wait to arrive

an endless innovation 

of grief, of joy 

loneliness is only an ongoing

connection with time

strange at its best

I learn how to speak to myself 

in courageous tenderness

and enact rest

________________________

Pic: The kandi bracelet Nu made me and Tiggy-Winkle (after Beatrix Potter) the fidget hedgehog KPB crocheted for me. Aren't they amazing? They look like they could be friends and live together!

Marching Forth Again

I had a full teaching day, talked to my parents on the way to work, got lots of birthday visitors at work, and just... a lovely birthday! 

Friends, thank you for your wishes--I felt surrounded by love all day and your wishes in multiple places helped... I am so blessed and so, so grateful.

I wish I'd come to appreciate the serendipitous significance of my March Fourth/March Forth birthday earlier, but I'm running with it now. This year, apart from fighting fascism, I hope to prioritize working meaningfully on some of my longer projects. This was a new year's resolution that didn't quite take, but this is a good time to reset, I suppose.

Big A texted to say he'd "fucked up the cake." (He usually makes the chocolate cake from the recipe on the back of the Hershey's cocoa box, but there was no Hershey's in the store... and chaos!). It was just terrific, BTW. Went out for sushi with the fam, Nu made me a Kandi bracelet, At gave me books, Big A gave me a leaf blower of my very own so we could have leaf blowing duels and the now-customary card scrawled with all the dear details of our year that makes me cry every time.

(Now I can't wait for tomorrow and to be allowed to do stuff again. My parents used to do this, so I probably brought this tradition with me, but the birthday baby isn't allowed to do *anything* over the birthday weekend and sometimes it makes me feel a bit like I'm on a rest cure.)

Pic: Clockwise--Kids (Nu, At, Max, Huck), cake, me.