flowers, food, and "face fighting"

I decided to do the flowers for the Thanksgiving table myself and that reminded me of Mrs. Dalloway saying she'd get the flowers herself. Then I briefly wondered if I was like her in surrounding myself with events as a way of avoiding the void.

Anyway, the day before an event is always suspenseful for me. I tend to make a lot of food, but we have just the one fridge and freezer, so I can't overshop or cook in advance, and it's a gamble if I'll find everything on my list. I didn't find parsnips today. But I suspect no one cares about the parsnips but me.

Pic: Max and Huck in a post-dinner "face-wrestle." There's a lot of groaning-growling-baring of teeth and positioning of jaws in scary ways and they seem to be having so much fun. It reminds me of my two boy cousins--whoever arrived first at my grandmother's place for the weekend would wait anxiously for the other one, and the minute he arrived, he'd be greeted with the affectionate invitation, "Let's go fight, da!" And then my baby cousins would kinda fight like Max and Huck do now.

last day feels

We had our last class today. We're on Thanksgiving break now, and when we come back, it'll be Finals Week. There's no way I can be missing my students already... But I kind of do. And for the second semester in a row, I forgot to take the customary end-of-semester group pics. So I really do want to get them back together again one last time to take that photo.

In my first class this morning, one kind student began to thank me for a "great" class... and before I could say thank you, everyone in the class was thanking me and then they clapped for me! That has NEVER happened to me in a classroom before! It felt so sweet and supportive in the moment, I wasn't even thinking about what actual evaluations or the stability of the work environment might look like.

Speaking of which, I'm reading Unsheltered--an older Barbara Kingsolver I found on my shelves--perhaps it's not the best time to read about someone who lost their tenured job and is anticipating living in an age of President Orange (the first time around), but that's where I am anyway. 

Now on to big decisions... Should I squeeze all our Thanksgiving guests around our existing table by adding an extra chair on each side, or should I use a card table to rig an extension? Does apple cider go well in a hot toddy? Do I have enough rosemary in my herb garden or do I need to buy some?

Pic: I think I got a picture of an Eastern Bluebird in the tree. In any case, there's a bird in a tree and it's decidedly blue. LB was so indulgent and patient waiting for me while I waited for the bird to settle.

on reading

“Make an effort to separate yourself from the internet. Read books.”
― Timothy Snyder, On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century

my eyes are giant jaws

know how to disappear 

me into books, let pages 

wrap and  swallow  me

like  a  tsunami  shelter 

I fix pages over my ears 

as  screens--under arms

suffering fins and wings 

Words? They're reckless 

things, they'll say/soak up

just anything: look/listen

how they make hope/fear/

freedom come true just by

knowing and remembering 

watch us waiting our turn 

...our time to sing/to sting

_____________________

Note: The "to sting" inspiration might just come from Nu's baby lovey, Silky the Bee, who used to pleasantly nuzzle "buzz-buzz" and then when you least expected it go "'ting-'ting." 

_____________________

Pic: Baker Woods yesterday with LB, who's back from Oregon (Yay). The woods are so bare now, but we still managed to get a bit lost because we hadn't been in so long and so many trees had come down in the interim.

other things I was told this week

You told me I had two very different reactions to the separations of two people I was close to. That's so true! I guess I was basing my own response on how the person I was close to was responding to the event. 

The produce person told me by the banana stand that I should "mix and match" bananas from different bunches--some for now, and some for later. I don't know why I've never thought to do that before. I always thought of the bunches as an inviolate collective entity. 

Big A and my massage therapist told me I've been losing weight. I feel like I look the same, but my appetite has been off. Whether it's because of new anti-anxiety meds or because I'm listening to the news, I don't know. 

Pic: Hartrick Trail Wetlands. New to me. Nu's driving instructor told me to check it out when I said I was going to walk in the school parking lot to kill time. It's adjacent to the school grounds and I can kind of see the school buildings in the distance. The high school in 10 Things I Hate About You still rates as the best school building with the best view of all time (Stadium High School, Tacoma, WA; it looks out over the waters of the bay--swoon.).

things I was told this week

Nu's pneumonia came up when I dropped in on the girlfriends yesterday. As I was wondering if I should be around other people, DV, who was such a rock when Nu was in distress, told me that the CDC has changed its recommendations for the pneumococcal vaccine, lowering the age recommendation. I'm getting it. 

As I was dropping Nu off for driving practice this morning, I told them I'm very self-conscious as I drive up to their instructor's car, making sure to keep my hands in the 10-2 position and all that. And Nu told me that actually, now you're supposed to keep your hands in the 9-3 position because of the possibility of airbag injury! And also that perhaps I should drive badly, as it might be helpful. The instructor would cut them some extra slack because they'd be like, Whoa! That kid has a terrible role model. Thanks, Nu.

A person I love love love dearly told me that they're separating from their partner. Twenty plus years ago, when we were all in grad school, they'd brought this person to my Thanksgiving table as a friend. And in a phone call later that week I'd said to them that it seemed like the other person wanted to be more than friends. They got married a few days after Big A and I did. My person has supported their soon-to-be-ex emotionally and financially for nearly two decades and this just fits the overall trend and it sucks and I am heartsick. 

While I was coordinating a welcome gift drop-off for a cousin's new baby, I casually asked my aunt what new adventures she and her husband had been up to since they were now empty nesters... and she told me she'd just divorced him. I wasn't expecting this for all the obvious reasons, but also because they had had an arranged marriage, and I think this is the first divorce in that generation on my side of the family. This is huge and liberating--I'm so happy people are looking out for their happiness without letting tradition and fear of scandal get in the way. 

At did a class on inoculation for other organizers in their old bedroom before family dinner this evening. When I was dropping them off at their place, At told me that in every class, they mention how I talked to one of their Indian coworkers in Telugu and how that helped build a connection. Aw! I feel like a small part of labor history!

Pic: The Red Cedar in spate. (Just past the stadium.)

first snow

a babe raises its mouth
to a morsel, to a cry 
we don't know 

fates fall from the sky
as unrelenting and

absurd as dust

don't ask me if I'm ok
I hope you can see

it's never forever

certainty lies: blatantly

yet also reposes soft

like grace

_____________________

Pic: It snowed yesterday and it was bearable because it was cozy inside.

let's talk about sex and sex ed, baby

For months now, I have thought the name of the new host of our local station's Morning Edition was Malorie DeGay, and I thought it was thoroughly charming. I just learned it's actually BE GAY, and I couldn't love it more. 

Speaking of gay icons, I'm really loving Chappell Roan's music right now. There's something so retro, fun, and transgressive about her music, especially the choral work. If you've listened to "Pink Pony Club," tell me it doesn't remind you of the 80s... of Cyndi Lauper. My favorite song is actually "Good Luck, Babe." It's super catchy and it wasn't until four or five listens in that I figured out that it's not just about an ex (You can kiss a hundred boys in bars/shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling") but also someone who has shoehorned themselves into a heteronormative relationship ("when you wake up next to him in the middle of the night/with your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife). Nu thinks it's hilarious that I like this song and has been declaring at the dinner table that "mama is going to go pure lez now" while looking pointedly at their dad. I think it's safe to say the pneumonia is in check and they're back to being their regular cheeky self. 

In regular old sex ed., today I learned that my first-year composition class did not know there were free condoms at the Health Center--how?!?!

And finally, today a student who took a hard stance in their research on porn stating that there is absolutely No Ethical Consumption of Porn gave a presentation that had everyone in class riveted. And as if that wasn't enough, they were inspired to create a piece of art--it's a woman's torso inscribed with porn search terms and "the erogenous zones have objects stuck on them to symbolize objectification." I was marveling at the abundance of thought, time, and effort they had put into this work when they held it out to me and said they wanted me to have it. I don't think I'll ever get over the sheer generosity of this. 

Pic: The new piece of art entrusted to me is now in my office.