it's her birthday, and I don't want her to cry (or even want to)

My sister's birthday is coming up next week and I'm so excited for her to see my present: it's a pair of  necklaces--one with her name in Greek as a memento of our trip together last year and another with her name in hieroglyphics looking forward to our proposed trip to Egypt in a few years. 

But today I woke up to a text she'd sent me (just me, not on family chat) that her job seemed to be in jeopardy. She's already started looking, but she's at the very top (the next level is CEO) and thinks there aren't any openings. This makes me very worried for her (she loves what she does) and how it will affect her dynamic with her partner (I'm not a fan). And also, our parents are on her health insurance (it always boggles my mind that parents aren't considered family enough to be on your health insurance in the U.S.) etc. I'll certainly have to step up in many more ways if my sister's job disappears. 

Also, what terrible timing! It's her birthday on Wednesday! I know corporations don't know or care that it's your birthday, but it doesn't keep my sadness or outrage away. 

Pic: Today was another super long day, and it's still cold, with more snow on the way--but when I went out with Max and Huck after a few hours of work, the sun was coming up. I pulled my shoulders away from my ears, and pressed reset on the day. 

tipping our hats

Today, Nu was remembering a baby book called Go, Dog, Go! much of whose plotline (if we remember right) consists of one dog asking another if they liked their hat to which the other dog replies they do not like their hat. (So many hats, Engie!). 

We were discussing if this was (a) radical and friendly honesty--the second dog not liking the first one's hat did not cause any bad feelings or (b) negging--with the second dog keeping the first one on their toes so they would keep coming back. It occurred to me at that point that Nu had always been such a good liberal arts classroom discussant. And I'm so happy to say that Nu got into the college they wanted over the holidays. Given their first two rocky years of high school, this was not at all a given. But they've managed to overcome a lot of those early impediments (complicated no doubt by the pandemic and pandemic schooling) and even got a persuasive college essay out of it. Hopes and prayers for my Nu.

Speaking of things evolving to reach maturity, I remember taking At and a baby Nu to a conference on the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) in New York because I didn't have childcare. We had to leave early because, unlike At who as a baby loved going to classes and conferences (or at least was calm when I went), Baby Nu was having none of it. (There was an embarrassing moment where Nu arched their back and slipped straight out of the baby carrier--while I was on stage. It's a wonder I wasn't reported to the U.N.) Anyway, that conference attendance evolved into an idea, then a paper, and now is a book chapter that's coming out later this year; I'm Chapter 12.

Pic: The Portage River in the falling snow. I haven't been outside much in this somewhat breathless week, so this is still from the weekend's hike.

I tug on my seatbelt, I tap on this thing

 "Every day is a faded sign/I get a little bit closer/to feeling fine" Sheryl Crow "Everyday Is a Winding Road"

fifteen days in and you ask

~ how has your year been~ 

                            planes and cranes arrow towards

                            skies pale as paper, and as empty

here on our dear irreplaceable planet 

you say: Don't take things so seriously

                            so ok... maybe not completely empty

                            --you know the bare spots left under

random careless scraps in the garden-- 

that's me, I say--their geometry of loss

                            an aloof echo, upturned in farewell 

                            truly, I have no virtues except for you

_________________________________________________________

A ceasefire is the bare, fucking minimum. And I can't express HOW happy I am that we finally have that in Gaza. I wish this could have happened before any lives were lost... or in May when these same conditions were first negotiated...  but thank you, thank you universe for this reprieve. 

If you want to see something beautiful, here is a clip of Al Jazeera journalist Anas al-Sharif announcing the ceasefire deal while taking off his protective gear while the crowd around him literally carries him on their shoulders and here's another clip of children in Gaza dancing in the streets as news of the ceasefire spreads. 

Also: Cuba should never have been on the US's state sponsors of terrorism list, but happy, it isn't anymore.

Pic: This beautiful sunset on my way home... Near Olive Township acc. to my phone.

Pongal Sonnet

I've come such a long way

... north  I   now  celebrate 

this  Pongal  in  the   snow 

all  of  us  have  journeys 

I   suppose, we're all  from 

somewhere else as we know

like daffodils, not even Hindu 

still, here they are, little suns

intimate on the offering plate 

with the shakarapongal where

they  relate a welcome  flight

through pressure, sludge, ice--  

bright in the salute and shatter 

of our  planet's  feral sunlight

___________________

Pic: Late evening Pongal offering with Nu, Huck and Max. I took a picture to share with At who couldn't make it to pooja... Huck is dancing! 

Bhogi today; Pongal tomorrow

Tomorrow is Pongal, the start of the auspicious Tamil month Thuy, and I always think of it as a handy reset for any lagging New Year resolutions. There's also actual Tamil New Year in April; lucky us. 

I'll have a long teaching day tomorrow, so I prepped some of the festival food today. This way I'll just have to make the sweet pongal for the pooja and the dosas for the celebration dinner. Today is Bhogi--traditionally, we're supposed to have a big bonfire to burn all the stuff we're discarding. As usual, I did the easier, sustainable thing and donated all the stuff we'd culled.

Pic: I really love my photo of cranes on the frozen Portage River about to take flight (from yesterday's hike).

(Also, I'm so chuffed that I seem to be made of some seriously tough stuff--while even Big A is sore and blistered after our longest hike to date, I'm business as usual. I did sleep so soundly yesterday though. If only I could numb my weltschmerz with five hours of physical exertion every day...)

another day of distractification

Big A and I spent over five hours on the Pinckney trails hiking and trudging though the snow trying to finish our 16-mile loop before sunset/the end of daylight. Also, I thought it was the full moon tonight and had just seen a trailer for a werewolf movie, so trust me when I say there was speed in my step. (The internet tells me that the full moon is actually tomorrow and it's called the wolf moon!)

It was an exciting, exhausting day. I tired myself out. I laid some fears and sorrows and anxieties to rest (for now). Tomorrow I plan to show up for the people who are counting on me. 

Pic: In the Pinckney Woods. "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep."

a day in Detroit

Big A made plans for us to spend the day in Detroit today. My only big decision was what I should wear to the restaurant that wouldn't be too dressy for the Detroit Pistons game. Clearly, I don't go to games very often. I needn't have worried... most people wore team merch, but there were fancier clothes and the real (literal) rockstars were wearing furs and showy jewelry. 

The Detroit Pistons were playing the Toronto Raptors, and because the wonderful Nicole is from Canada too, this seemed like a sign about the scheme I pitched her about visiting Detroit-MI-the Midwest.

I'm reading Long Bright River for one book club and The Frozen River for another and am preparing to get the two thoroughly confused because both titles have "river" in them. Anyway, I was describing Long Bright River to Big A on the way home, and I used the term "addicted" to describe a character. Ever the humanist (and a volunteer doc in Suboxone clinics), he gently reminded me to use people-first language. I'm learning. [Update: A recommends this guide.]

Pic: Waking up from a nap to Big A and Max looming over me. I know I tend to anthropomorphize our canine kids, but Max really does look so much like A here.